1 00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:09,210 -[ambulance siren wailing] -[♪ upbeat music playing] 2 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,010 [Lois] No, Wayne, you cannot have it yet. 3 00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:14,180 Something came up. [sighs] 4 00:00:14,340 --> 00:00:16,350 Can we move this along here, please? 5 00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:17,680 You're not wrapping a Christmas present. 6 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:20,810 -I've got a party to go to. -Lady, your leg is broken. 7 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,520 -[sighs] -You're not going to do anything 8 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,020 except go home and rest. 9 00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:25,310 Less yapping, more wrapping. 10 00:00:26,270 --> 00:00:29,190 Lois, I am so much less high now. 11 00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:31,150 -Sir, please. -And their earlobes are gooshy. 12 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,320 -Gooshy, gooshy. -[chuckles] Stop it. 13 00:00:34,110 --> 00:00:35,320 I want my little hammer back. 14 00:00:35,530 --> 00:00:38,280 [indistinct chatter] 15 00:00:38,530 --> 00:00:39,540 -Bing. -[grunts] 16 00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:41,790 Okay, we'll print your post-treatment orders 17 00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:44,500 -and get you some painkillers. -Yeah, I don't need 'em. 18 00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:46,250 -What are you doing? Sit down. -[♪ comical music playing] 19 00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:47,790 -Your cast is still setting. -[exhales] 20 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,130 You don't even have crutches yet. 21 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,630 You're going to injure yourself even worse. 22 00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,670 Then I'll come back after the party tonight 23 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,090 and you can fix that. Come on, Hal. 24 00:00:56,180 --> 00:01:00,140 -Hal? -Oh! Squishy. Oh, squishy. 25 00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:01,270 [♪ music concludes] 26 00:01:01,390 --> 00:01:02,390 [♪ theme music playing] 27 00:01:02,470 --> 00:01:06,400 ♪ Life is unfair ♪ 28 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:07,980 [♪ music concludes] 29 00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:09,820 -[birds chirping] -[♪ perky music playing] 30 00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,110 Okay, come on, let's go. 31 00:01:11,190 --> 00:01:12,610 Mom and Dad are already there waiting. 32 00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:15,400 Kelly, breathe. It doesn't start till eight. 33 00:01:15,530 --> 00:01:18,200 -You wanna look sharp or not? -I just-- I wish I knew 34 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,620 what revenge Reese had planned for me. 35 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:21,540 [chuckles] Don't worry about Reese, 36 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,330 'cause you can't do anything about it. 37 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:25,620 It's like a tornado, except there's no alert. 38 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,620 It's just something you gotta accept. 39 00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:28,960 [Piama gasping] What the hell? 40 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,500 My underwear's already too tight. 41 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:33,960 Francis! Give me a pair of your mom's granny panties! 42 00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:35,630 Right away, honey! 43 00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:38,590 [♪ party music playing] 44 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,470 Wayne, you need to adjust these speakers. 45 00:01:40,550 --> 00:01:41,560 I'm not talking about the volume. 46 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,020 I'm talking about the mix. That speaker is too quiet, 47 00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,480 and these three are too loud. 48 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,520 And did you remember the backup cables I asked for? 49 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,440 I know you don't mean it, but I'm getting a vibe 50 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,230 of impatience bordering on menace, 51 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,520 and it's pushing my agitation levels 52 00:01:52,610 --> 00:01:54,110 past the point of productive conversation. 53 00:01:54,190 --> 00:01:55,400 So, we'll continue this 54 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,200 after I've run cold water over my hands. 55 00:01:57,820 --> 00:01:59,240 -Honey, these-- -Hal, please, 56 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,450 I don't need any help. 57 00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:02,700 Just back off and let me do everything. 58 00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:04,370 Honey, I'm so sorry. 59 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:07,870 I should have realized that my natural enthusiasm 60 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,630 was just adding to your stress. You've got this. 61 00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:14,550 -Everything is already perfect. -Are you-- Are you still high? 62 00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:16,880 No. [smacks lips] I'm just more perceptive 63 00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:19,430 because of the ego death that I experienced 64 00:02:19,510 --> 00:02:21,680 -from my expanded consciousness. -[Lois] Oh. 65 00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:25,060 -This is so yummy. -[sighs] 66 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,100 Let me know if you want a break. 67 00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:29,900 I juggle the sound pizzas every Wednesday 68 00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:31,400 at Shadyside Assisted Living. 69 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,730 Yodeling, barbershop, yodeling, barbershop. 70 00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:36,740 People go nuts. [chuckles] 71 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:39,780 -[♪ upbeat music playing] -[indistinct chatter] 72 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,370 -Wow, I'm surprisingly nervous. -What's surprising about it? 73 00:02:43,450 --> 00:02:44,950 Yeah, you ghosted these people for years, 74 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,620 and now you have to face them and explain why. 75 00:02:46,870 --> 00:02:47,870 Hey. 76 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,120 -[gasps] Hey. -Here's how I see it. 77 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,040 We both wanna avoid Mom and Dad as long as we can, 78 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:52,630 so we hide until the spotlight dance, 79 00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:54,420 then come out when they're the happiest. 80 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,250 Before then, it's every man for himself. 81 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,430 Nice. Give me her business card later. 82 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,390 -Malcolm? Malcolm! [gasps] -[both gasp] 83 00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:08,230 [chuckles softly] Are those your friends? 84 00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:09,730 I wouldn't call them my friends. 85 00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:13,060 Malcolm! It-- It's us! Y-- Your friends! 86 00:03:13,150 --> 00:03:15,610 [exhales deeply] Hey, guys. 87 00:03:15,690 --> 00:03:17,690 Oh, how we've missed our fourth musketeer. 88 00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:22,320 Uh, Lloyd, Dabney, Kevin, 89 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,070 this is Tristan and my daughter Leah. 90 00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:27,370 You procreated! What a relief. 91 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:30,120 The three of us have also created a child. 92 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:32,170 Like, with a surrogate? 93 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,500 -Sure. -That's our Hubert. 94 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:40,920 There's an ant! 95 00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,390 Don't worry, I have confused him. [chuckles] 96 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,600 So, what have you guys been up to? 97 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,180 GenetiTech Resources. 98 00:03:47,430 --> 00:03:49,720 Incorporated in college and started getting contracts 99 00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:53,270 before we even graduated. Department of Defense. 100 00:03:53,690 --> 00:03:56,480 We're doing so much weird shit. 101 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,480 -Mm. -[chuckles softly] 102 00:03:58,570 --> 00:03:59,860 [gasps] There's your mom. 103 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,700 Uh, Stevie! [pants] Oh, my goodness! 104 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,370 It is so great to see all of you. Oh! 105 00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,120 Hi, there. 106 00:04:13,870 --> 00:04:16,790 -This is Tristan and Leah. -Hi. How are you? 107 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,420 I was wonderful. [smacks lips] 108 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,340 Up until the moment I caught my ex-husband 109 00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:23,590 wallowing in his usual vortex of resentment 110 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,840 based on nothing other than his own self-loathing. 111 00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:27,390 But thanks for asking. 112 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:32,060 Tell your mother I do resent her showing up here 113 00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:35,560 wearing the necklace I gave her 29 years ago 114 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:36,940 to be my forever love! 115 00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:40,070 It is a slap in the face across space and time! 116 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,320 Tell her. 117 00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:52,450 Dad... [breathes deeply] says... 118 00:04:54,750 --> 00:04:56,210 he does... 119 00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:01,840 resent... 120 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,050 -Run, cowards. -Okay. [chuckles awkwardly] 121 00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:06,640 ...you. 122 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,850 All I'm saying is Dewey is stupid 123 00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:11,430 -to be here on a laptop. -Eat my balls, Jamie. 124 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,640 I'm being considerate. 125 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,440 [clears throat] Excuse me. Hey. I-- 126 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,270 Sorry, we'll have to get back to you. 127 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:20,770 -We're all just so busy. -Yeah, we're completely swamped. 128 00:05:20,860 --> 00:05:23,240 I-- I'm sorry. I don't have any excuses. 129 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,110 I just wanna clear the air and make it right. 130 00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,110 Please. 131 00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:33,200 Well, it's not like this is the first horrible thing you've ever done. 132 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,670 Hey, Leah, do you wanna hear all the horrible things 133 00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:38,170 -he's ever done? -Yes. 134 00:05:38,290 --> 00:05:39,920 Kids. [claps hands] I need some help. 135 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,880 They put the Chiavari chairs and high tables 136 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,590 in front of the low tables, and it's blocking 137 00:05:43,670 --> 00:05:44,710 the eye line to the stage. 138 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:45,800 Hi, Grandma. 139 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,760 Oh, somebody who actually likes to hug. 140 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,680 I said I would try it for your birthday. 141 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,850 [sighs] Malcolm, I'm so happy you-- 142 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,180 He must have dropped and crawled. 143 00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:57,600 What the heck is wrong with him? 144 00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:58,980 He showed up. Give him a break. 145 00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:01,310 No. Jamie's not ashamed of his family. 146 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,190 You know, how hard it was for him to get permission 147 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,610 to leave the base and come here? 148 00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:06,530 Oh, they don't know that I'm gone. 149 00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:08,610 I'm on guard duty right now. 150 00:06:09,490 --> 00:06:11,370 -[Stevie] ...in... -[slurps] 151 00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:12,780 ...the face... 152 00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:16,500 across space... [breathes deeply] 153 00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:21,130 ...and... [breathes deeply] ...time. 154 00:06:21,210 --> 00:06:23,380 [slurps, smacks lips] Okay, who wants another one? 155 00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:26,420 Well, you can tell your father to find a dictionary 156 00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:28,090 and look up the meaning of the word "gift" 157 00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:30,550 unless it's like every other thing in our relationship 158 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,680 that came with secret conditions that he would only reveal 159 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,100 when he needs to attack me when I'm at my most vulnerable. 160 00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:45,400 [inhales deeply] She loves you. 161 00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:51,360 [Cadet Drew] Cadet Francis, ten-hut! 162 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,330 [all laugh] 163 00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:57,660 That's what military school did to us, baby. 164 00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:58,830 You'll never shake it. 165 00:06:58,910 --> 00:07:01,250 Hey, boys. Wow, you started early. 166 00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,250 I think ten is a respectable age. 167 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,790 We were just raising a toast 168 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,090 to our dear old Commandant Spangler. 169 00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:12,590 [all] Rot in hell, you one-armed bastard! [laugh] 170 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,760 Uh, you wanna tell me what's in the sack? 171 00:07:14,850 --> 00:07:16,720 Are you my parole officer? 172 00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,100 -No, seriously, are you? -[both laugh] 173 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:23,150 We decided to do one last caper for old time's sake. 174 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,570 Nice statue head. 175 00:07:25,650 --> 00:07:30,860 [clears throat] I came. I sawed. I conquered. 176 00:07:30,990 --> 00:07:34,120 -[both laugh] -That's good. [laughs] 177 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:35,830 We're putting that on the Instagram. 178 00:07:35,950 --> 00:07:36,950 Wait... 179 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,960 It was the most beautiful, transcendent experience. 180 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,880 Abe said you were rolling around naked on filthy linoleum, 181 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,590 -choking yourself. -Transcendently. 182 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:49,880 Psst, Kelly. 183 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,720 Before you try anything, just remember, 184 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,340 revenge for an unjustified revenge 185 00:07:53,430 --> 00:07:55,390 is justified, but revenge for a justified revenge 186 00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:58,220 is unjustified revenge. Yeah. 187 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,230 Relax, we're in a ceasefire until the party's over. 188 00:08:01,310 --> 00:08:03,650 Could you, uh, sneak me a couple dinner rolls? 189 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,230 [gasps, whimpers] 190 00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:13,320 It's so nice to have someone 191 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,620 I can share my deepest feelings with. 192 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,160 [laughs] 193 00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:26,750 Crap. "Yaassss" sounds like I'm seven. 194 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,630 Quick, change the subject. 195 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,090 Perfect setup. I look great. 196 00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:41,270 [message sent tone playing] 197 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,360 [chuckles softly] I made him nervous. 198 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,250 Cute? Pretty? Hot? 199 00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:07,290 Huh? 200 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:18,010 Ew. Ew! 201 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,930 Wait, where the hell did you get that mac and cheese? 202 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,270 I brought it from home. 203 00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:29,610 When I get back, I'm expecting a new full-sized plate 204 00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:31,820 handed over without any looks. 205 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:39,160 There you are, Piama! Oh, my juicy jellybean. 206 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:43,160 -Oh. -Gretchen, so great to see you. 207 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,960 We were so sorry to hear about Otto. 208 00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:49,920 He didn't suffer. The puma is very quick 209 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,130 -und efficient. [chuckles] -What are you doing now? 210 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:57,220 I am a doula for cattle. I go from town to town, 211 00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:00,140 cow to cow, helping them give birth. 212 00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:04,470 It's very spiritual. Well, not the cleanup. 213 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,270 That's nasty. [chuckles softly] Well... 214 00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:13,150 [sniffs] Oh, my goodness. 215 00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:16,530 -You have a calf inside you. -[gasps] How did you-- 216 00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:19,660 Oh, it's my gift. Boy or girl? 217 00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:24,160 -We don't know yet. -[sniffs] Do you want to? 218 00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:28,500 What the hell? The video of us beheading the statue 219 00:10:28,580 --> 00:10:30,380 got 3,000 dislikes. 220 00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:31,920 Who doesn't love a classic prank? 221 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,880 -Let me see. -[scoffs] 222 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:39,720 -Uh, where was this statue? -In front of a bar. 223 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,470 Had a creepy vibe, so we didn't go in. 224 00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:43,430 And did this bar have a name? 225 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,850 That was weird, too. It-- It was called Stagness. 226 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:51,270 What is that? [chuckles] Like, how much you're like a stag? 227 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,440 -[laughs] -Idiots, it's not "Stagness." 228 00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,650 It's St. Agnes. 229 00:10:58,570 --> 00:10:59,610 It's a church. 230 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,950 Whose statue do they put in front of churches? 231 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:08,710 It looks like... 232 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,370 Burger King. 233 00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:15,040 Well, no wonder they're mad. People love that guy. 234 00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:18,170 [♪ upbeat hip-hop music playing] 235 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,980 Hubert! Come dance with Dada-Dada-Dada! 236 00:11:36,770 --> 00:11:39,990 Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe he was teasing. 237 00:11:46,910 --> 00:11:47,910 What a creep! 238 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,210 My first crush is a creep. 239 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,630 [♪ exciting music playing] 240 00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,130 It's been 20 minutes. 241 00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,800 I still don't have a better idea. 242 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,970 -Malcolm! -[♪ music playing indistinctly] 243 00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:05,640 [Malcolm in changed voice] Occupied. 244 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,350 You think I wouldn't crawl under and pull you out of there? 245 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:17,020 [groans, grunts] Can we do this outside the men's room? 246 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:19,940 Nope. It's gone on long enough. We're gonna straighten everything out 247 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,190 -right here, right now. -[sighs] 248 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,030 We're gonna go back to the party as a family. 249 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,740 The shrimp is bad! The shrimp is bad! 250 00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:25,870 [door closing] 251 00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:27,240 -[Craig groaning] -We're not serving shrimp. 252 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,910 [Craig] I ate something with a tail on it. [groans] 253 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,160 -[farting] -[water splashing] 254 00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:34,620 [Craig] Oh, sweet mother of mercy, it burns! 255 00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,630 -Now let's go. -[Craig groaning] 256 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,210 -You can't be serious. -If you wanna get out of here, 257 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,130 you are gonna tell me why you have been doing this. 258 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,760 -[Craig panting] -Come on, out with it. 259 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,760 -[Craig farting] -[Lois exhales sharply] 260 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,560 [Craig] Sorry, I know you didn't mean me. 261 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,220 How do you think one conversation 262 00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,020 in a toilet's gonna fix everything? 263 00:12:53,180 --> 00:12:55,270 I don't, but at least it's a start. 264 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,440 What do you wanna do, wait for my funeral? 265 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,270 There's nothing to say! 266 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,400 -It's just the way we are. -[Craig] Easy, boy. 267 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,240 We all just swirl around each other fighting 268 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,990 and taking turns creating disasters! 269 00:13:05,070 --> 00:13:07,070 Yeah, so we drive each other nuts. So, what? 270 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,910 That's what families do. 271 00:13:08,990 --> 00:13:11,370 [sighs] It's more than that. I... [breathes deeply] 272 00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:14,000 I like myself better when I'm not around you. 273 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,250 So you have said. 274 00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,250 -[Craig breathing deeply] -And I... 275 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,960 feel bad for who I am when I am around you. 276 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:26,010 What, you yelling? [chuckles] Spitballs to a battleship. 277 00:13:26,090 --> 00:13:28,430 No, I mean, I know I'm disappointing you. 278 00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:33,680 -[Craig groaning] -What? 279 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,190 [Craig] He said he knows he's disappointing you. 280 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,320 Sorry, I'll be quiet. [farting] 281 00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,150 Now I'll be quiet. 282 00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:48,030 Mom, you've always had these gigantic expectations of me. 283 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,530 Like I'm some sort of superhuman brain 284 00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:53,700 that can fix all the world's problems. I'm sorry, I can't. 285 00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:55,120 And I can't deal with that pressure. 286 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,000 When did I ever pressure you? 287 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,040 You said I had to become president of the United States! 288 00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:03,420 [exhales] President? Is-- Is that what this is about? 289 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:04,710 [Craig whimpering] 290 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,130 Malcolm, that was just a plan. 291 00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:11,220 Uh, plans aren't contracts. They're just plans. 292 00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,010 Your father and I have made hundreds of them, 293 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,970 and look at us. Barely ever work out, 294 00:14:15,060 --> 00:14:16,810 so we just make some new ones. 295 00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:19,060 Yeah, you can't take it that seriously. 296 00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,820 [Craig speaking indistinctly, panting] 297 00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:24,780 That was you lying? 298 00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:29,740 [shouts] You've been lying to me? 299 00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,490 All this time? 300 00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:34,870 Do you know the kind of trauma you caused me for a lie? 301 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,910 -[music stops] -[Malcolm] Making me suffer 302 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,790 -under your lie for 18 years? -[gasps] 303 00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:42,630 What kind of Satanic monster are you? 304 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,130 [Craig groaning, farting] 305 00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:47,670 -[♪ thrilling music playing] -Aw, they found each other. 306 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,630 -[music playing indistinctly] -We tried to give you 307 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,850 very specific positive goals to help you get through college, 308 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,760 so you wouldn't just party and drop out 309 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,220 and end up in a homeless shelter. 310 00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:57,810 That was called good parenting. 311 00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,560 You don't even care about the constant stress 312 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,520 and anxiety of trying to live up to that? 313 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,440 [breathes shakily] Do you realize that my-- 314 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,940 My degrees, my charity, the-- The awards, 315 00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,860 my beautiful, perfect daughter, finding a woman 316 00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:13,950 who loves me for me and makes my life complete, 317 00:15:14,030 --> 00:15:15,870 all of that was based on your lie? 318 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,620 How could you do that to me? [breathes deeply] 319 00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:22,630 Wait. 320 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,670 Malcolm, you've accomplished so much. 321 00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:27,960 And all of it is you. 322 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,630 -[Craig groaning] -It's just you. 323 00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:34,970 You're a good father. You're a good man. 324 00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:37,720 Better than we ever hoped. 325 00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:39,850 And I wish we didn't upset you so much, 326 00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:41,940 and I can't say it's ever gonna get better. 327 00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:44,440 I just miss you. 328 00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:50,820 -I miss you too. [cries softly] -[Craig groaning, farting] 329 00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:53,570 I'm trying so hard to hold it in, 330 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,370 it just makes the pitch go higher! 331 00:15:55,490 --> 00:15:57,030 Please, let's just get out of here. 332 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,830 -[chuckles] Yeah, uh... -Oh, by the way, 333 00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:03,170 -I love my granddaughter. -Yeah, that's pretty easy. 334 00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,420 -And I approve of Tristan. -[Malcolm] Thanks. 335 00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:07,550 I mean, I don't actually need your approval. 336 00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:09,920 I know, but I approve anyway. 337 00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:14,010 Thanks. I really love her. 338 00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:17,050 I think I love her like you and Dad. 339 00:16:17,890 --> 00:16:20,100 -[door opening] -[♪ soft music playing] 340 00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:25,810 We are no longer friends. [gags] 341 00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:28,320 [Craig] We'll discuss it after dessert. Oh! 342 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,450 Hey, Dad. Looking good. 343 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,740 All better now? Glad we're past that. 344 00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:36,780 We're not past it yet, Reese. 345 00:16:37,910 --> 00:16:39,370 -Did we miss anything? -Hold me higher. 346 00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:41,500 -I can't see his face. -You are in for it now. 347 00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:42,830 -All right, all right,. -You're right. 348 00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:44,620 -It's your moment. -We'll pile on later. 349 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,080 Dad... 350 00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:48,500 there's no point in me saying I'm sorry. 351 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,590 I'm always sorry. 352 00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:52,510 But this is different. 353 00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:55,010 I not only took advantage of you, 354 00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:58,350 I did it by pretending to have a closer, 355 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,390 more loving relationship. 356 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,140 I know how horrible I made you feel. 357 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,610 And the horrible thing for me... 358 00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:12,610 is I was faking the relationship I always wanted with you. 359 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:15,950 Way to take all the fun out of it. 360 00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:17,450 -[sighs] Yeah, nice. -Thanks, man. 361 00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:21,660 That is the most honest apology I have ever heard. 362 00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:23,120 [all groan] 363 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,330 But it is completely meaningless. 364 00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:26,870 -Wait, it's good again. -Oh! Dude. 365 00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:28,790 You have always counted on the fact 366 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,460 that no matter what you do, I will always love you, 367 00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:36,380 and that is just true. It is for all of you. 368 00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:39,930 I-- I assumed the love was just there 369 00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:41,970 in every cell of my body, 370 00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:44,100 and I was helpless to prevent it. 371 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,140 But then I realized that that was just for your mother. 372 00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:49,520 You guys are completely different. 373 00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:53,360 You're so unfailingly destructive and-- 374 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,570 and self-absorbed and oblivious that you-- 375 00:17:56,650 --> 00:18:00,490 you-- You make it so damn difficult that my genuine, 376 00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:04,330 deep love is an actual act of heroism. 377 00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:08,290 Well, do you realize how good that makes me feel about myself? 378 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,500 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that gift. 379 00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:13,920 [chuckles] 380 00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:16,590 Especially you. 381 00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:18,680 I, uh, yeah. 382 00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:23,640 Are you sure everything's ready? 383 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,720 Don't worry. 384 00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:27,060 Don't worry everything's ready or just don't worry? 385 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:28,980 Whatever answer makes you stop glaring at me, 386 00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,060 I don't like it. 387 00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:33,110 Ah, it's too late now, anyway. 388 00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:35,940 [microphone feedback] 389 00:18:36,030 --> 00:18:38,950 Can I have your attention, please? Everyone? 390 00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:40,910 [sighing] 391 00:18:41,570 --> 00:18:44,540 This is such an important day for me. 392 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,710 After 40 years of frustration, 393 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:52,750 Hal has finally let me celebrate our relationship my way. 394 00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:56,170 -[indistinct chatter, laughter] -[Lois] My way. 395 00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,840 [chuckles] Today is happening exactly the way 396 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,090 I always wanted it to. 397 00:19:01,550 --> 00:19:04,220 Because, honey, for once... 398 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:06,350 for once... 399 00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:09,730 it's not about me. 400 00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:11,190 It's about you. 401 00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:13,770 [guests] Oh. [chuckle] 402 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,030 [chuckles, sighs] 403 00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:23,240 Happy anniversary, sweetheart. [chuckles, kisses] 404 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,530 This has taken so many online tutorials 405 00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:28,580 and equipment rentals and crazy expensive laptop 406 00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:31,540 I've been hiding from you. And I hope you like it. 407 00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:35,250 What would you like people to know about your father? 408 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:38,210 Dad is a complicated man. 409 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,010 [chuckles] Uh, no, he's not. 410 00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:43,640 He's the least complex man of all time, 411 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,180 which I love. 412 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,140 I spend so much time touring in different cities. 413 00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:50,020 Sometimes, I don't know where I am, 414 00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,390 and then Dad calls. 415 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,480 He doesn't understand time zones, 416 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,400 and it's always, like, 4:00 in the morning. 417 00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:58,570 But it's still very thoughtful. 418 00:20:01,030 --> 00:20:03,360 Two minutes talking to him, I feel like I'm home. 419 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,080 Anyway, it got me thinking, and I wrote this. 420 00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,040 [plays piano] 421 00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:18,210 For me, the most singular thing about Dad is his stamina. 422 00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:21,090 The sheer amount of grief he could stomach. 423 00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:25,680 I got in trouble, got in fights, got suspended, got expelled. 424 00:20:25,930 --> 00:20:26,930 Twice. 425 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,600 But Dad was always unfailingly patient with me. 426 00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:33,350 The first time I met Hal-- 427 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,400 Oh, got married to you without telling them. 428 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,690 That was a big one. 429 00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:39,070 Anyway, I was dreading it. 430 00:20:39,190 --> 00:20:41,570 As far as I knew, all dads were drunk and mean, 431 00:20:41,650 --> 00:20:44,360 but he was always so steady and reliable. 432 00:20:44,990 --> 00:20:46,950 Now, he feels like my real dad. 433 00:20:47,030 --> 00:20:48,700 [gasps] Got arrested three times. 434 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,700 No, arrested twice, expelled three times. 435 00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:53,790 [scattered laughter] 436 00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:55,920 We were all pretty wild. 437 00:20:57,170 --> 00:20:59,630 But my brothers, they-- They were so far ahead of me 438 00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:02,420 that I needed to find my own thing. 439 00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:06,260 So, I chose noise. 440 00:21:06,340 --> 00:21:08,550 I especially like the sound of crashing. 441 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:13,350 Dishes, lamps, big windows, little windows. 442 00:21:13,430 --> 00:21:16,150 If you know what you're doing, I mean, you can create these frequencies 443 00:21:16,230 --> 00:21:19,110 that rip right through your brain. [chuckling] 444 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,780 And when Dad stopped me, he was always so... 445 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,320 gentle about it. 446 00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:29,870 I mean, it-- It really made me want to be peaceful. 447 00:21:30,530 --> 00:21:32,750 I really appreciated his tenderness. 448 00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:35,540 Even though, kind of a tough guy. 449 00:21:35,790 --> 00:21:38,630 I mean, look at these beasts! 450 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,710 Can the love of your life be a man? 451 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,510 Another heterosexual man? I say "Yes." 452 00:21:44,590 --> 00:21:46,630 A thousand times, yes. 453 00:21:46,970 --> 00:21:51,060 When someone is that loving and giving and honest and true, 454 00:21:51,180 --> 00:21:53,220 you can't stop it. You understand? 455 00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:56,850 He's not just my best friend. He's the best person. 456 00:21:57,310 --> 00:21:59,650 No one disagree with me on this one. 457 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,820 [inhales deeply] Hal... [exhales] 458 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:06,820 ...is. A. Great. Man. 459 00:22:07,780 --> 00:22:09,950 [laughs hysterically] 460 00:22:10,070 --> 00:22:13,290 Everyone expects me to talk about how forgiving and accepting he is. 461 00:22:13,580 --> 00:22:14,950 And he totally is with me. 462 00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,540 I don't know why I do what I do. 463 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,840 I actually asked a therapist about it, 464 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:21,960 but he was all, 465 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,000 "I don't know you and I don't work for free." 466 00:22:24,090 --> 00:22:26,090 But what I'm really thankful 467 00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:28,430 for is the optimism he gave me. 468 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,800 I still wake up every day thinking I'll be better. 469 00:22:32,890 --> 00:22:34,220 -He's always cheerful. -And honest. 470 00:22:34,310 --> 00:22:35,810 -And helpful. -An-- And wise. 471 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:36,980 And honest. 472 00:22:37,060 --> 00:22:38,140 -I said it already. -Oh right. 473 00:22:38,270 --> 00:22:39,810 -You already said that. -[Trey] Oh, give me a minute. 474 00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:41,020 -[laughs] -I admire his enthusiasm 475 00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:42,730 and his courage. I mean, he'll try anything 476 00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,400 -and make us do it, too. -Mm-hmm. 477 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,690 Ah, our vocal group, fire-walking. 478 00:22:46,780 --> 00:22:48,280 -Fire-walking! -[Trey laughing] 479 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,280 And don't forget insightful. 480 00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:53,240 Nobody else recognized that my bluster was just a cover 481 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,870 to hide my shame at ruining Secret Santa. 482 00:22:55,950 --> 00:22:57,830 -[mouthing] I did. -And he's incredibly generous. 483 00:22:57,910 --> 00:22:59,290 Especially, when he's playing poker! 484 00:22:59,370 --> 00:23:00,960 [all laugh hysterically] 485 00:23:01,540 --> 00:23:03,210 Hey, Dad. I'm sorry this is so rushed, 486 00:23:03,290 --> 00:23:06,170 but I'm totally swamped. But I wanted to say I love you. 487 00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:09,590 Um, I admire your decency and your honesty and your... 488 00:23:10,470 --> 00:23:13,050 hair. So, happy birth-- Anniversary. 489 00:23:13,140 --> 00:23:15,010 Hey, Linda, can you print me that report? 490 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,180 I was like, five... 491 00:23:19,980 --> 00:23:21,690 when I started feeling wrong. 492 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,980 I thought I was great at hiding it 493 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,190 because you guys never said anything. 494 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:30,030 But then... 495 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,370 I had this one really shitty day in fifth grade 496 00:23:36,830 --> 00:23:38,160 with the other kids and-- 497 00:23:38,830 --> 00:23:40,620 and even my teacher. [breathes shakily] 498 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,670 When... When I had little kid problems, 499 00:23:47,090 --> 00:23:49,130 I'd just go to Dad 500 00:23:49,380 --> 00:23:51,590 and he'd clown around and make me feel better. 501 00:23:53,340 --> 00:23:55,600 And-- And I wanted to do that, but... 502 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,350 instead I just blurted out, "Dad, am I wrong?" 503 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:03,520 And... 504 00:24:04,100 --> 00:24:07,270 he was looking at me, and-- and I knew that he knew... 505 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,860 and had always known. 506 00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:12,700 And... [hesitates] 507 00:24:14,450 --> 00:24:16,160 I could tell he was thinking, like... 508 00:24:16,660 --> 00:24:18,540 really hard. [breathes deeply] 509 00:24:20,450 --> 00:24:22,250 And I was terrified. [sobs softly] 510 00:24:25,170 --> 00:24:26,750 And then-- 511 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,630 Then he finally said... [inhales] 512 00:24:28,710 --> 00:24:30,630 "You could be nicer to your mom sometimes." 513 00:24:33,300 --> 00:24:36,800 So, yeah, [inhales shakily] I like him. 514 00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:41,770 -Sincere. -Loyal. 515 00:24:41,850 --> 00:24:42,850 -Heartwarming. -Tenderness. 516 00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:43,940 -Brave. -Honest. 517 00:24:44,020 --> 00:24:45,230 -Faithful. -Incredible. 518 00:24:45,310 --> 00:24:46,400 -Remarkable. -Vibrant. 519 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:47,610 -[voice 1] Twinkling. -[voice 2] Loving. 520 00:24:47,690 --> 00:24:48,900 -[voice 3] Determined. -[voice 4] Fearless. 521 00:24:48,980 --> 00:24:50,280 -[voice 5] Considerate. -[voice 6] Sparkling. 522 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:54,530 [overlapping echoing voices complimenting] 523 00:24:54,610 --> 00:24:55,660 [voices stop] 524 00:24:55,740 --> 00:24:56,870 [Lois] Love. 525 00:24:56,950 --> 00:24:58,240 [♪ music concludes] 526 00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:06,960 [Wayne] We did it! Whoo-hoo! All minds are beautiful minds. 527 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,760 Hal... [sighs] ...when we first met... 528 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,180 I knew I'd been looking for you my entire life. [sobs] 529 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,050 [guests sob] 530 00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:22,600 You're my wish come true. 531 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,230 [guests sobbing] 532 00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:30,730 [indistinct chatter on radio] 533 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:36,070 [guests applauding, cheering] 534 00:25:42,870 --> 00:25:44,080 [Malik] Bravo. 535 00:25:44,580 --> 00:25:49,750 [guests cheering, applauding] 536 00:25:50,460 --> 00:25:52,800 No one's ever done anything like that for me. 537 00:25:54,210 --> 00:25:55,760 No one ever let us. 538 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,380 [Malcom clearing throat] Excuse me? 539 00:25:59,970 --> 00:26:04,560 It feels weird to insert myself into this moment, but if... 540 00:26:05,310 --> 00:26:07,270 I don't do it now, I'm afraid I never will. 541 00:26:08,230 --> 00:26:09,230 Dad... 542 00:26:11,150 --> 00:26:13,820 I'm sorry for how crappy my part in that was. 543 00:26:15,570 --> 00:26:17,950 I didn't realize how much this meant. 544 00:26:18,740 --> 00:26:19,870 How much you meant. 545 00:26:22,370 --> 00:26:23,490 I'm sorry. 546 00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:36,550 I thought I was improving myself by being away from you. 547 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,390 But instead I forgot the important things 548 00:26:40,470 --> 00:26:43,220 I learned from you. "Give everyone a chance." 549 00:26:45,310 --> 00:26:47,230 "Love is brave." 550 00:26:48,980 --> 00:26:50,650 "Don't stop believing." 551 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,690 I know where you got that one, but it's still good. 552 00:26:55,150 --> 00:26:56,240 So... 553 00:26:56,780 --> 00:26:58,030 love is brave. 554 00:27:01,660 --> 00:27:02,910 -Tristan. -[gasps] 555 00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:05,120 I am so flawed. 556 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,000 There are so many parts of my personality 557 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:12,710 that don't work right, but I love you so much. 558 00:27:14,130 --> 00:27:15,420 Will you marry me? 559 00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:19,800 No! [chuckles dryly] 560 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:22,340 -Ooh. -Oh. 561 00:27:30,100 --> 00:27:31,100 [indistinct gasping] 562 00:27:31,190 --> 00:27:33,360 That doesn't work for everything, Stevie. 563 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:34,610 Malcolm... 564 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,360 I love you so much. 565 00:27:39,490 --> 00:27:40,700 But we both just found out 566 00:27:40,820 --> 00:27:45,280 we've been keeping gigantic, awful secrets from each other. 567 00:27:45,950 --> 00:27:48,450 We have to figure that out before we do anything. 568 00:27:48,910 --> 00:27:51,160 [indistinct whispering] 569 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:53,500 Except sex. We'll definitely have sex later. 570 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,630 [guests cheer] 571 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:04,890 [chuckles] 572 00:28:05,180 --> 00:28:08,600 [♪ upbeat party music playing] 573 00:28:09,430 --> 00:28:14,980 [both smooching, breathing heavily] 574 00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:16,940 Sweetie, get off your phone. It's a party. 575 00:28:17,270 --> 00:28:19,940 Go talk to that little weirdo. He looks lonely. 576 00:28:20,030 --> 00:28:24,070 [breathing deeply, kissing, moaning] 577 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,870 -Hi. I'm Leah. -Hubert. 578 00:28:30,750 --> 00:28:32,460 Who ordered you to approach me? 579 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,580 -My-- My grandma. -She could tell I was lonely. 580 00:28:35,750 --> 00:28:38,250 [chuckles softly] Just as I could tell you're lonely. 581 00:28:38,340 --> 00:28:39,880 It's probably because you're odd. 582 00:28:40,510 --> 00:28:42,130 -I am. -Well, then... 583 00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:45,470 -we're a match made in heaven. -Don't do eyebrows. 584 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,970 And you're already giving me good advice. 585 00:28:48,850 --> 00:28:50,810 -We're blossoming. -[chuckles] 586 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,640 Hi, would you like to join 587 00:28:53,730 --> 00:28:56,690 what may become a super-cool friend group? 588 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:01,490 Yeah, okay. Thanks. 589 00:29:03,950 --> 00:29:06,660 Can I ask you guys about something really embarrassing? 590 00:29:06,780 --> 00:29:09,120 If you knew me better, you wouldn't. But go ahead. 591 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:10,200 [♪ music concludes] 592 00:29:10,330 --> 00:29:11,660 [Wayne] Ladies and gentlemen, 593 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:14,370 we present the anniversary dance under the spotlight. 594 00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:17,290 Please remember, they chose the music. 595 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,920 -[indistinct applauding] -What have you done? 596 00:29:21,130 --> 00:29:22,880 I don't know what you're talking about. 597 00:29:23,380 --> 00:29:25,010 -Hal? -Well, it's just a silly, 598 00:29:25,090 --> 00:29:26,840 little, romantic thing. It's no big deal. 599 00:29:26,930 --> 00:29:29,350 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 600 00:29:29,430 --> 00:29:31,060 [♪ romantic music playing, The Bangles "Eternal Flame"] 601 00:29:31,140 --> 00:29:36,190 ♪ Do you understand? Do you feel the same? ♪ 602 00:29:36,980 --> 00:29:41,480 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 603 00:29:42,190 --> 00:29:48,320 ♪ I believe It's meant to be, darling ♪ 604 00:29:48,450 --> 00:29:51,120 ♪ Do you feel the same? ♪ 605 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,200 [groans] 606 00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:56,120 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 607 00:29:56,210 --> 00:29:57,290 [guests cheer] 608 00:29:57,790 --> 00:29:59,960 Oh, my God, it's like being in a dream. 609 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,170 You are a dream. 610 00:30:01,250 --> 00:30:04,670 ♪ ...an eternal flame? ♪ 611 00:30:06,510 --> 00:30:07,760 [screams] 612 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,970 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 613 00:30:13,430 --> 00:30:15,730 ♪ Do you understand? ♪ 614 00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:18,600 ♪ Do you feel the same? ♪ 615 00:30:19,650 --> 00:30:23,860 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 616 00:30:24,230 --> 00:30:27,030 ♪ Or is this burning... ♪ 617 00:30:27,110 --> 00:30:31,990 [all coughing] 618 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,580 ♪ Give me your hand, darling ♪ 619 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,460 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 620 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:46,380 ♪ Do you understand? Do you feel the same? ♪ 621 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:51,300 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 622 00:30:54,430 --> 00:30:58,390 ♪ An eternal flame ♪ 623 00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,020 ♪ Close your eyes Give me... ♪ 624 00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:04,480 -[♪ song concludes] -[indistinct clamoring] 625 00:31:06,650 --> 00:31:07,860 [gasps] 626 00:31:07,940 --> 00:31:10,990 Oh! Lois, Lois. I'm sorry. 627 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,410 I'm sorry that-- That wasn't supposed to-- I-- 628 00:31:13,580 --> 00:31:14,660 I didn't mean to. 629 00:31:16,410 --> 00:31:17,410 Do you like it? 630 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,670 [♪ joyous music playing, concludes] 631 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,880 [electricity sparking] 632 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,390 This is the most incontestable forfeit 633 00:31:33,470 --> 00:31:35,390 of a security deposit of all time. 634 00:31:35,470 --> 00:31:38,310 [chuckles] And well worth it. 635 00:31:39,350 --> 00:31:40,850 -Ow! -What? 636 00:31:40,940 --> 00:31:45,020 What the hell? My leg is killing me. 637 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:49,900 When the hell did I get a cast? 638 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,410 -[♪ light-hearted music playing] -Having friends is awesome. 639 00:31:53,490 --> 00:31:56,240 I had no idea. We talked everything out, 640 00:31:56,330 --> 00:31:58,500 and they gave me a whole new perspective. 641 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:00,620 So, I am going to send a picture. 642 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,630 Well, a screenshot. To his parents. 643 00:32:05,170 --> 00:32:07,050 And every girl in school. 644 00:32:10,050 --> 00:32:11,300 Teachable moment. 645 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:13,890 Just so you know, 646 00:32:14,010 --> 00:32:16,100 Grandma actually helped me solve a problem. 647 00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:17,260 Really? How? 648 00:32:18,060 --> 00:32:20,810 Well, by bossing me around about something completely different. 649 00:32:21,390 --> 00:32:22,520 That's the M.O. 650 00:32:23,310 --> 00:32:27,070 It just occurred to me. My next poo is gonna be amazing. 651 00:32:27,190 --> 00:32:28,280 [chuckles] 652 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,030 Nice job ruining the anniversary. 653 00:32:31,650 --> 00:32:33,240 Me? Everything would've been fine 654 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,200 if those rafters were spaced properly. 655 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:36,990 Bull, those rafters are exactly to code. 656 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:38,870 [Francis] They absolutely are not. 657 00:32:38,950 --> 00:32:40,330 For God's sakes, Reese. 658 00:32:40,410 --> 00:32:42,460 Building codes specify different rafter spacing 659 00:32:42,540 --> 00:32:44,000 for four-by-sixes and four-by-eights, 660 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,290 and you can't tell the dimensions from down here. 661 00:32:46,380 --> 00:32:48,750 And when a zipper sticks, you don't keep yanking on it. 662 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,170 You pull gently and wiggle it side to side. 663 00:32:51,380 --> 00:32:53,260 That's another thing, that cheap zipper. 664 00:32:53,340 --> 00:32:55,590 There's tons of things to blame. Tomorrow, we'll get down to city hall... 665 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,050 Well, I guess this is my life again. 666 00:32:58,140 --> 00:32:59,760 I just have to do everything I can 667 00:32:59,850 --> 00:33:00,930 to make it work. 668 00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:04,230 Mostly, because I can't think of any way out it. [sighs] 669 00:33:04,310 --> 00:33:06,060 I hope Leah's gonna be okay with this family. 670 00:33:07,190 --> 00:33:08,570 I like this family. 671 00:33:08,690 --> 00:33:10,820 I feel so much less weird by comparison. 672 00:33:11,650 --> 00:33:13,860 I hope Dad's gonna be able to handle it. 673 00:33:14,650 --> 00:33:16,820 -I'm sure he'll be fine. -I'm sure she'll be fine. 674 00:33:16,950 --> 00:33:18,070 [♪ music concludes] 675 00:33:20,490 --> 00:33:22,200 ♪ Freak-A-Zoids, robots ♪ 676 00:33:22,330 --> 00:33:24,960 ♪ Please report to the dance floor ♪ 677 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,380 [♪ upbeat pop music playing, Midnight Star "Freak-A-Zoid"] 678 00:33:28,710 --> 00:33:32,590 ♪ I'll be your Freak-a-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 679 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,090 ♪ Ooh dance baby ♪ 680 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,550 ♪ Shake your body like you just don't care ♪ 681 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:40,810 ♪ I said ♪ 682 00:33:40,890 --> 00:33:43,980 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 683 00:33:44,060 --> 00:33:45,640 ♪ System engaged so I'm ‘bout to soar ♪ 684 00:33:45,730 --> 00:33:47,850 ♪ Let me show you how to land it on the dance floor ♪ 685 00:33:47,940 --> 00:33:49,770 ♪ Rock back and forth spaceship on another flight ♪ 686 00:33:49,860 --> 00:33:51,780 -♪ Let me teach you how to... ♪ -♪ Rock Baby ♪ 687 00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:55,450 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 688 00:33:55,530 --> 00:33:59,160 ♪ Z-O-I-D-S Rock baby ♪ 689 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:03,120 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 690 00:34:03,580 --> 00:34:04,910 [♪ song concludes]